Blockers by Brian and Jim Kehoe
For some reason, most critics have loved this comedy rated with an unexplainable – for this cinephile at least – Metascore of 69 and celebrated in reviews, like this one in the Austin Chronicle:
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven” John Milton
They are surely right to make heaven out of a motion picture that is definitely not that bad, although for some of us it would be hard to see the merit, perhaps because we are so disconnected from modern America, the worries and pleasures of teenagers, new trends and the postmodern face of humor.
The very idea central to the plot is that three girls decide to lose their virginity on prom night, no matter what and in a couple of cases, indifferent to the partners that would do it.
So far so good?
Remember: you can make hell out of heaven…
The parents, Lisa and Mitchell, find out and decide to act, although they are opposed by the third parent, Hunter, who is separated from his wife and therefore tries to play to a different tune, promoting his image as the cool father, who does not want his daughter to be unhappy, encouraging anything she wants to do, no matter how irresponsible.
Indeed, in one scene he would cry with joy upon finding out that his child is lesbian, overjoyed because…the girl has told him first, before announcing the news to her mother.
Julie decides to lose her virginity with the boy she loves, although her mother, Lisa, is worried that this may be the mistake she had made, years ago, when she has made the wrong choice…
You mean I was a mistake? Asks the daughter pertinently, when the mother talks about wrong choices and what a calamity took place in the past
If the choice made by Julie seems reasonable in the present – given the mores, the different standards – the solidarity expressed by her friends, Kayla and Sam, seems more than misplaced.
Perhaps for a conservative, retrograde fundamentalist as the under signed?
Kayla seems to pick at random, Connor is a young potential partner with a man bun that infuriates her father, Mitchell, when he comes to take her to the prom, and it is awkward – potentially funny for some viewers – to see the girl explaining that they will have sex that night.
The man is known as the cook, because he is good at mixing drugs and when Mitchell hears about this he turns from angry to outright mad, but Connor is not too anxious when he hears there will be sex.
Sam is a lesbian attracted to Angelica, but in a misguided attempt to respect the pact – and for other wrong reasons – she is bent on losing her virginity with another young man, while thinking about this interesting Asian girl.
The parents try to follow on the footsteps of their children and get trapped in various circumstances, once the car is stuck in a ravine –after they had attempted to copy Vin Diesel – an actor whose name is sufficient for this viewer to avoid the feature he is in- after they even refer to:
WWVDD – or something like that, which means What Would Vin Diesel Do…in one of the multitude of Fast and Furious installments.
Making every sacrifice they can, in order to bring the daughters from the brink of the supposed abyss, the devoted – but foolish? – parents are provoked to a challenge, one of those fraternity abuses, wherein Mitchell would insert a tube into his anus – well, someone else does it.
The point of this endeavor is to introduce alcohol into the body and provoke laughter of course, only the police arrive on the scene, in the commotion the bowel movements that have been followed up to that point are reversed and Hunter gets the alcohol and whatever else was in the colon of the martyr on his face, clothes, head…
Hilarious? Not for this hell out of heaven making individual.
Furthermore, there are some other limits that the heroes pass in their quest for the innocent girls, as they stumble in the middle of a sex game, wherein man and woman walk blind folded and Mitchell has to fondle with the testicles of the man and do other funny (?!) tricks.
This note concludes with a three out of ten rating.