Notes on Films: septembrie 2020

vineri, 11 septembrie 2020

What Comes Next

Some decades ago, the stars have been almost perfectly aligned for yours truly, in that there has been a revolution and furthermore, the under signed has had every reason to be proud for, fearful as he had been, he managed to get some courage and go down to the roman Square, to face the special units of the Securitate no less and thus be one of the few Real heroes – not one of the tens of thousands that have been fabricated to enjoy the financial, social and other fake benefits, since he has never claimed the paperwork and the official status, albeit he has regretted it at times, maybe even now –

After that big change – not big enough for many, including yours truly, who feels that much more should have been demolished after a true revolution, and not just a change of one dictator with another communist, of a milder faith – there comes the meeting of the Beauty Queen and incredibly, she becomes intimate with and the girlfriend of a man that on some measures could not dream of such a partner – granted, on some others, the supposed dream Wonder woman was just the winner of a pageant in which only another what, twenty, maybe fifty girls participated and that is very relative and much more controversial these days, and besides, her future actions, the marriage to a loathsome, fat, older Mafioso, that had stolen from women and children – well, not exactly waiting for them in the street, to give a kick in the head and then run with the purse for the money for candy, but taking huge sums from the state budget and thus indirectly depriving pensioners, kids of higher income – do not exactly paint the beauty as a woman with ethics and a moral standing, which rather makes her ugly, if only on the inside.

Then, as if to place all the aces in the hand of this ungrateful bastard, he has the chance to be close to a friend – if he really was one I have been debating in some of this scribbling for some time and the jury is still out on this one, though it is very likely that we have just been mates, I sort of pimped out for him at times, he paid the bills for outings that have included the grandiose at the time, and still quite prestigious now Le club, but we have not been all that close and he may have been had some contempt for me at times, seeing as he is one of the richest five maybe and he had been showing signs of arrogance, aptitude and skills for quite a long time – with a man that controls one of the biggest companies of the land these days and so the under signed has had the chance to be in a revolution, help change the regime, then perhaps to marry the most resplendent beauty to be found around here and get together with one of the richest fellows up there in the top 200 Forbes, very likely among the top ten now…

And what did I do with all these magic cards…waste them to be called a shit, loser, lazy bum and so much more by a spouse that I call the same and quite often cannot stand, but then I still wait for Godot or Saint Francis of Assisi or some other miracle to take place to extract me from this mess, where I spend hours every day with macaws that quite often get me enraged to the point where I want to shoot them – well, at least Balzac may have that destiny if he does not shut his fucking trap – and apart from the new ritual of running near the Mogosoaia lake, near the fantastic palace – if not huge, anyway going back to 1702 – among trees and in a resplendent setting, there is no going out and the place is quite often disgusting…right now, there is the dog of these motherfuckers, perhaps sixty, seventy years old, just moved in this gated community of pretentious fools and they have an animal that I hate.

It is actually not the stupid beast, but the goddamn owners that treat him and the rest of the neighbors to hours of barking, because they do not give a shit about anybody except their own pathetic selves…to add insult to injury, they have started works at the house where they had moved in some months ago – I guess – and they involve machinery, a jackhammer drilling in the courtyard and through my brains, on the weekend too, and to make it plain that these idiots are just the sum of the earth, they allowed the animal to come out and continue with his endless howls and barks, just as the jackhammer took a brake…

I mean, why not have the whole paraphernalia, the whole torture, since they are psychopaths, they ca do it – a psychopath is someone who feels nothing, no empathy, indeed some of the figures here are just the epitome, paradigm or definition of the psychopathic behavior, with their barking dogs, children that scream as if there is no tomorrow and no rules, just as if this is a huge island from The lord of the Flies…

And this is not unique, if the place is beating some records in the limits they break, of insolence, abuse, screaming and barking all in one limited area, still, we can see this ghastly phenomenon ion other places…as I was running earlier today, I noticed that the glass at the lightening in the park has been broken in many places and I even stopped looking to see how many, to avoid getting depressed and this place has another despicable, contemptible feature…when they water the lawns, the lights throughout the park have to be kept on, in the middle of the day, first of all if they do not care, just like the aforementioned and their kids and dogs, they only look at their own benefit and the one in charge at this place is just another idiot who is useless and has not directed a technician to disconnect the 2 different sets of circuits so that they use the sprinklers separate from the hundreds of lights – we are not talking a few light bulbs here, for this is an area of many hectares and multiple lights…

Evidently, the need to use positive psychology or/and stoic precepts is paramount here and one has to enforce what they preach, remembering that ‘there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’ – Hamlet – or ‘the mind is its own place, it can make heaven out of hell, or hell out of heaven’ – and then ‘it is not what happens, but what you make of what happens’ that counts and there are many elements that would indicate an accomplished, well lived life – if not in the sick mind of my spouse – for after working in tourism – I was just a bloody useless guide, according to the same, aforementioned source – I saved some money – so it is good to be a miser, spend thrift bastard after all – and invested in the company that had provided quite a decent, if not opulent existence, until things got more complicated and then loans had to be perfected and insults were intensified – the same aristocratic, self-indulgent, arrogant, disdainful, ungrateful and beneficiary of so much of what this stupid ass had done aka Despicable Me.

It is tempting to say fuck all and then take the luggage and go out, after all, there are not just moments and isolated in time and space when I say that the birds that are sometimes treated as my boys or babies, do in fact annoy me to high heaven and then I cannot live all my life trapped by them and attached to a woman that loathes and hates me and then I reciprocate the feelings…or can I, seeing as this is hedonic adaptation and the blessed or cursed habit creating rituals…