Queen, 11, Christmas 1990 http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/02/unique-in-world.html?q=unique+in+the+world
The chronology is missing now, but this is just part of the point of this exercise here…perhaps some of what has gone from the mind will return, or, why not, some made up story can take the place of real memories and make what has happened even better, or replace it altogether, before it becomes ash, nothingness.
It would be a challenge to establish how much the importance given to the Queen of Beauty is due to her ‘title, privileged position’ and what is owed to her intrinsic value, the beauty, character strengths she had, maybe still has…
The psychology classic Influence by Robert Cialdini http://realini.blogspot.com/2016/05/influence-by-robert-cialdini.html would explain some, or most of what happened, looking at the principle of Respect for Authority
Trying to joke here, when she accepted the ride in the Audi, she showed respect for the brand, more than interest in yours truly – in the studies mentioned in Influence, when a luxury brand is at the traffic lights, people behave differently.
If the lights change to green, when a common brand car is not moving, the drivers behind use the horn, whereas when they have ahead a BMW, Mercedes, Audi, Lexus or the like, they show deference and do not make noises.
Same thing maybe with the Queen, and when she told me she is the winner of the Beauty Pageant Contest, my first reaction was to laugh at the joke and say ‘right and I am the Maharajah of Tamil Nadu or some such place’
Once the truth was established, and the reality that this was not a joke dawned on me, then I instantly became awed and said to myself something like ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ ‘what’s the buzz, when do you ride on to Jerusalem’
Respect for Authority in its purest form…you won that Beauty Pageant, then I must worship you, adore and honor with everything I have got, lay my all at your feet, work for you, drive you and accept all the demands…
At the same time, maybe she showed the Respect for Authority seen in the research the luxury brands waiting too long at the traffic lights, and she was interested in the car, not in the me, or just as the owner of the Audi.
Later that day, I took her to the Sala Polivalenta, an arena where she was supposed to hand over one of the prizes for the Athletes of the Year 1990, as the Ruling Queen of Beauty and there was the first mistake.
I took her to the Youth Park and then waited for her in the car, or just outside, until she came out and then took her to the railway station, where she had the train for which she had bought the ticket earlier…
With some hindsight, it seems I have encouraged her to think of me less as a partner and more as someone you can use; he will offer you your services and places himself in a position of inferiority, instead of being an equal.
Evidently, this could be turned around and with vigor we could claim that if she was that type of human, then she was not really worth the trouble and better that she took it as services rendered and then dumped me…good riddance.
But it is never like that, so simple and black and white, first of all because that age was not all Days of Wine and Roses http://realini.blogspot.com/2017/08/days-of-wine-and-roses-written-by-jp.html and I was a total prick in some important moments, such as when she had to see the Bulgarian owner of the pageant rights, she said she is with her ‘assistant’, not boyfriend and then I slapped her, because I was her monster lover, right?
Furthermore, she probably had a genuine affection for me, for some time, and it would be insulting her to say she was purely in it for something she might get, as material support, a butler escorting her around.
She could do with a chauffeur too, but it does not look as if that was (all of) it, however, the purpose of this exercise, repeated regularly, is to see if there is more light, and the subject becomes clear...you could try some feedback.
At the end of the series, or maybe right now, you could have the perfect assurance that it was this or the other, and then let me know, perhaps I stop this flowing nonsense and stop polluting the air with endless whining…
I asked to come take her from the railway station when she will have returned from Moldova and in the meantime I started working on my speech, what and how will I say, I am madly in love with you will not do, presumably http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/03/realini-in-newsweek-participant-in.html